CHAPTER SIX – extract


As a little girl, every woman was left to play in her dream world, not aware of the things around her –  tangible or intangible – that would shape her into the person that she became. Due to social fictions, she would go on to create numerous expectations about a great life, an ideal man, and perfect children. In recent years, our society has convinced little girls that they can become everything they set their minds to AND be full-time mothers at the same time – that they can have it all.

Regardless of the fact that motherhood has lately been presented as a role that requires numerous difficult sacrifices, there is a warm – I’ll call it purple – feeling deep inside of every woman’s heart that reassures her that her need for having a child is justified. But there is also another – I’ll call it yellow – thought about achieving everything she ever wanted to do, which is persistent and powerful. Most women feel compelled to follow both feelings at the same time, since the fulfillment of both needs  is necessary in order for a woman to  feel complete.

If we go back to men’s boxes and women’s wires, we realize that those two feelings are constantly affecting a woman’s mind and that her installation magnify them significantly! They often become deep yearnings that are hard to ignore, even for the most stubborn people. While most men  complete their life evolution by following straightforward steps, women start panicking about their life goals at an early age, as a result of their lack of control over their growing purple and yellow feelings. Because of their need for controlling the situation, women try to fit their life into the “frames of perfection” they have subconsciously formed over time. These frames of perfection include their closet, their apartment, their car, their career and, unfortunately, their men. There are only a few women out there that are able to love their man for what he is – outside of their frames. A difference between a man and a woman is that a man falls in love and later learns about his woman’s flaws, while a woman usually falls in love with a list of his flaws that will have to be fixed later. You will not hear many women say, “This one is perfect!” over drinks with their girlfriend, without quickly adding, “Well, except for his taste in clothes,” or “Except that he loves eating garlic.” That is usually followed by the friend confidently adding, “I’m sure you will take care of that, right?” It has become common practice for women to improve and “better” men. Not only has this process become somewhat normal, but it can also be done effectively with minimal pain for the man. It often starts early, with their mothers. Can you imagine a father paying a lot of attention to his child’s hairstyle or to them yawning with their mouth fully open? While there are exceptions, those types of “adjustments” are usually considered a woman’s job. It’s their project. Sometimes men are thankful for it later on, but let’s not forget that with time, small “adjustments” , such as advice, can turn into orders and huge expectations. In real life, they can change that lovely girl that you met at a work conference into a ruthless woman makes you consider running for the hills.

While some women become ruthless, others lose their initial romantic glow. They become the opposite of ruthless. They are a product of the frustration that they have faced in the past. I want to emphasize this because your masculinity plays a crucial role in the life of that woman – not just because of your support, but also because of your loving criticisms.

Here is an example from a real-life relationship between a banker and his wife:

One  morning, the banker got up before his wife, made her breakfast and wrote her a love note. By the time she got up and walked into the kitchen, he had already left for work. She woke up to an empty bed, which seemed unusual, but she didn’t pay much attention to that. When she walked into the kitchen and saw the food, she was shocked and feared that her husband was sharing unpleasant news with her. He had never made her breakfast before. Their relationship had become so cold that it would be no surprise if he confessed something devastating.  Now he wants to make up by making me breakfast … and leaving a note. She took the note, opened it and started reading: “Dear wife, I couldn’t sleep last night. You were already asleep and I was staring at your back, your hair, and your shoulders, thinking about who you are.Our life just flew by, and I was so busy with my career that I forgot about who you are.” Her eyes filled with tears as she read every word,  fearful of how it would all end. “What will happen next? ” asked her installation. She continued reading: “Therefore, I will spend the next few weeks figuring out who you are, because it is the only thing that will allow me to love you in the future. Enjoy your breakfast!” She had been initially surprised by the empty bed and the breakfast, but now she was completely confused. Her installation was speeding, calculating thousands of potential scenarios, but she couldn’t explain her husband’s odd behavior. It was the mystery that encouraged her sincere curiosity, and she decided that there was no need to panic, yet. She texted him: “Thanks for breakfast …” Although she was overwhelmed with both concern and curiosity, she restrained her emotions, finished her breakfast, and left for work. She decided to wait and see.

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